Recently, "Female Psychologist" was popular, and Xiaomo unit rushed to the hot search.
The reason for the hot search is that Xiao Mo will not refuse others in the workplace, which has resonated with us.
The kind and forbearing Xiao Mo was bullyed by the campus because of refusing his classmate to help cleaning his sanitation in his childhood.When he grew up, he entered the workplace and suffered because he would not refuse.
Because they were afraid of sin colleagues, they promised their request without bottom line. From the time of work, no matter whether it was windy and rainy to bring milk tea to colleagues, and to help colleagues do PPT after get off work, there were countless things.
But what is obtained is not recognition, but is isolation, rejection and teasing again and again.
Xiao Mo didn’t understand, obviously he violated his heart and agreed to them with a smile.
Why is the same consequences like the first rejection in childhood?
Did he do something wrong?
In the workplace, in life, will we not refuse to others?
Don’t let refuse to be your life problem.
01
Last winter, my cousin called and asked if I wanted to take a photo.
I said I don’t want to, ask him what happened.
It turned out that his newly -made girlfriend worked in a wedding photography shop. It is almost the end of the year. His girlfriend will show his performance.
I said that I had taken it in summer and I didn’t want to shoot anymore.
He follows good seductive, and now it is special discount on activities, and now it is also possible to apply for the filming when you want to shoot.
Recently, I have been busy with work. I have no plans to take photos recently, but I ca n’t stand his begging. I still agreed.
After promising, I went to the wedding shop to pay the Golden Ding package and found that it was not the so -called preferential price at all, and it was more expensive than the price I took in summer.
At that time, I didn’t want to pay it. After speaking, I saw the unpleasant expression of my cousin girlfriend.
Later colleagues said that the wedding photography shop was particularly bad.
I regret it very much, obviously I wanted to refuse at the time, how could I agree.
Deep in my heart, I may feel that I should have a good relationship with my cousin’s girlfriend.
I talked to my dad about this.
My dad said that he should not be embarrassed by himself because he was afraid to offend others. You should think about whether you have this demand at that time.
If you have this demand, it is nothing to promise.
If there is no such demand, it should be reasonable.
San Mao said, don’t be afraid to refuse others, if your reasons are right.When a person asked for a request, he had two answers in his heart.Therefore, give him any of the answers, it is expected.
We accept because we are afraid to offend others.
We are unhappy, because we don’t want to promise this from the bottom of our hearts.
02
Friend Xiaojun found a part -time job in a supermarket when he was in college.
A aunt is responsible for the dry goods area in the supermarket. Auntie often has something to do at home, and finds the surrounding colleagues on the top.
If there are more times, no one will help her.
Because of the first time he arrived, Xiaojun, who was just part -time, had a good relationship with everyone, he agreed to the aunt’s request.
At first the aunt was polite to her, and Xiaojun would say thank you after helping him.
Sometimes I also say that I want to go back to a class.
Xiaojun also knew that his aunt was just polite, and he didn’t really want to return the human feelings, and said politely, "Don’t pay back, I know, your aunt, you are busy at home."
Auntie praised Xiaojun with a smile.
Later, I was polite to find Xiaojun to help again and again, and developed to the end to the last text message. "Xiaojun, I have something this afternoon, you go to the dry goods area!"
Xiaojun was very helpless. I had a careful text message back. "Auntie, I’m very sorry, I have something to do today, I am afraid I can’t help you from class."
The aunt did not reply to text messages.
Xiaojun called over, and the aunt would not answer.
Xiaojun had to push off the event community to the aunt to the top class.
Xiaojun told me next time, and next time she would never agree.
However, next time, next time … she has never refused to succeed.
The scores of the exam at the end of the period came out, and there was an important class hung up because she did not fully review, and she resigned from the part -time supermarket.
She said to me very regretful, "The salary of the supermarket is actually very good. It is 15 yuan an hour. I can earn my week of living expenses every week and weekends. I don’t need to ask for money with my family."
It is more important to comfort her college students.
She blinked and looked at me, and lowered her head and looked at her hand. Tears finally fell to the ground. "Actually, I have time to review it.Class, don’t give me money yet. "
I have read this sentence: the more sensible you are, the more the world will bear the more pain that does not match the age; the more patient you are, the more the world you need to be patient.
We don’t have to pay for things we should not bear.
The agreed agreed again and again was at the cost of paying your own time, but not understanding.
Why don’t we learn to refuse?
03
There is such a sentence in "Lost in the World": "My misfortune is just because I lack the ability to refuse. I am afraid that once I reject others, I will leave a crack that can never heal in each other’s hearts."
But we should understand that a person’s life is in turn in rejection and rejection.
Rejection is the most normal thing, we don’t have to feel guilty for this.
Just as Bi Shumin stated in the article "Exercise and Revival", "refusing is a right, just like survival is a right."
How can we reject others?
1. Unreasonable requirements refused from the beginning.
A paragraph that I recently brushed on Douyin:
The girl’s parents were convenient for her daughter to buy a car.
There was a pregnant colleague who was caught in a car every day, and once encountered some traffic accidents. The colleague who was pregnant in the middle of the night called and claimed that it was caused by the girl who was in a girl.
The girl was very aggrieved, but she still sent pregnant women to the hospital and paid her medical expenses for her.
And this colleague did not repay medical expenses afterwards, but instead became intensified, even more politely scratching the girl’s car, sitting in the co -pilot’s position, fingering and drawing.
The girl couldn’t bear it, and she refused to return the car to her parents after asking the car again.
Colleagues actually asked girls to return the car, and the girl refused to suppress the girl with other people.
This is the story of real farmers and snakes.
You see, you obviously have so many people, and people do n’t thank you.
In the end, it is not good.
If the girl finds a reason to refuse the other party’s car, there is no such thing in the back.
After all, such a thing is on the way, not every day instead of a day.
The car will not only just once.
2. Reject the reason that cannot be overturned
The reason for refusing to say that exports must be to stand on their heels and not be overthrown at will.
Once you say it, you must be powerful.
My cousin is a doctor in the ultrasound department. She can always encounter various reasons to find her for help. Someone who allows her to do ultrasound for free, some let her intervene, and let her see the sex of the fetusShe was looking for a doctor to see the doctor directly.
The cousin was annoyed by these people.
But she was hard to refuse, and refusing help in her eyes was equivalent to rejecting the relationship.
For a long time, she was tangled about this.
My dad gave her a wonderful trick. Next time you said that the hospital stipulated that if you were found to be discovered, he had to deduct the performance of the subject.
This method is really good.
There is also a way to refuse. If you say it for a while, when will others wait?If you say next time, then there will be next time.
Therefore, if you encounter such similar situations, you must use iron regulations to reject him, once and for all.
3. Don’t feel guilty after rejection.
I feel too enthusiastic because of rejecting the help of the other party, which is a big taboo that refuses.
You know people’s hearts are separated from the belly.
Your behavior is not only a friendly signal in the eyes of the other person, but a mockery, which will arouse the anger of the other party.
German philosopher Ferbaha said such a sentence, "Say no, life is the highest thing in all treasures."
We refused because we have to love ourselves more, only love ourselves, and be kind to ourselves to be respected by others.
Surong the needs of others on your own joy is a kind of disrespect for yourself.
Bi Shumin had a good saying, and he encouraged Jun: "Refusion is suffering, but it is a momentary bitterness, and it is peaceful after the pain.
No refusal is tolerance, a knife on the heart.Tolerance is limited. At the moment of tolerance, it is time, and it is more painful and troublesome."
Life is really suffering. If you want to taste the taste after the bitterness, learn to refuse.
I believe you will gain a different taste.
